Dear Abang, a.k.a Qhairul

It's me again, your mother. Here is another letter which I have promised that will come to my children in stages. But this time, I have decided to address it to each of you individually, and being the first born, this letter will come to you first.

I'm writing you this letter to help you make that transition from boy to man a little bit easier. With the National Service that you are serving now, it will make a better platform for your transition.

So, let's start with the gang and the whole scene-mates you are so attached to. Hey, loyalty and friendship is good, but don't worry about it if it seems like you guys are starting to drift apart. It is part of growing-up, people eventually choose different paths and end up in different places. Cherish the relationships you have right now because years from now many of them will be gone.

You've always been a pretty good judge of character so hold on to that, learn how to use it to your advantage because there will be people that will come into your life pretty soon and not all of them have the purest of intentions. Some will become permanent parts of your life while others will be quick flashes that will teach you valuable lessons, one way or the other.I know it is fun and feels good to do the whole "popularity" thing and to feel important, but don't hold on to that so tightly. Even though it may seem like it right now, it's really not all that important in the big picture. Trust me when I say that you'll never feel that "feeling" again so you'd might as well start the transition now. It's not that people won't like you or that you won't have plenty of friends, but in that small pond you're in right now, it's easy to get caught up in believing that the world revolves around you and unfortunately, it doesn't.

Love your family. I know to you it sounds impossible and sappy right now because all you can think about is the day you'll finally get out of that house for good. But when you do, it won't be long before you're going to miss the days of being home by midnight, eating dinner at the table with the whole family, watching your little sister (you can never stop doing that, that is your responsibility), slouching on the couch, and using my computer to surf internet. You're not thinking about it right now, but there are a lot of people in your life that you take for granted. Stop it. Appreciate them, let them know that you do, and enjoy your time together. You'll thank me in the future.

Practice your craft. You love the guitar, so do it. Play whatever comes to mind and eventually take some classes. Learn from the people that make money doing what you love. But still do it your way. Just because they get paid for it, doesn't mean their way is the ONLY way. The more you practice, the better you'll get. You have talent my son, but there is still plenty to learn. Set some goals for yourself, because I know better than anyone that you don't have any right now. Remember how you could just wake up, go to school, take a test and eat? Well, that's all over. Work hard, set some goals and achieve them. Otherwise you're going to have a lot of catching up to do in the future.

The good thing is that you'll have people around you that'll be willing to help. Good people.Open your mind to different things. Right now all you know, or accept are the people that are like you. "Different" people turn you off a bit and I can understand that, but once you're outside of that bubble in National Service, you'll be surrounded by "Different" people. Believe it or not, one day you'll be very close (like a brother from another mother) to your mate that's as "different" as they come. But it's good because you'll learn a lot from him.

As far as women are concerned, I think you better talk to Papa. I have nothing to give you, but my advice is respect women as they need to be respected. Its trial and error and all I can say is to go with your instinct when it comes to them. Learn to distinguish between genuine feelings for a woman and when you're just excited about the "challenge". Believe me when I say, that line gets very blurry. But in the end, it'll all work out. Don't be pressured into anything and don't let your ego stop you from doing what you want to do. As far as women are concerned, everything that happens will have happened for a reason, so enjoy the ride. But stay virgin until you turn 35, that’s the rule, or until such time you get married, which ever comes first.

That's about it my darling. Hold on to these words of wisdom and incorporate them. It'll help a lot. Other than that, stay true to who you are, not who others want you to be. Stay out of trouble. I love you very much, and you know that.

With Love

Mama