Those Freaking Voices

My head is full of voices...things that people said to me these days... things that were said so nonchalantly. I guess no one should even take them into their stride. I know it is always a bad habit of mine to bring troubles and worries with me, wherever I go. It is reflected through my eyes, my smiles, my face... and I feel that I am so transparent that I can be read like a book.

You know how amazingly fast I can fall asleep. Jazz always tease me by mimicking the sound that I would make while I sleep. Yes, I snore too. There... I've said it. I bet that I'll be fast asleep once my head hit the pillow. But last night, I found myself having difficulty falling asleep. Yes, with all those voices in my head, I can't tell you if I had sleep... at all. And that message didn't help either.

I keep telling myself that I can't make everyone happy...no matter how hard I try, there bound to be people who are unsatisfied with me, scrutinized every decision I made, people without second-thoughts accused me of my selfishness. I am so very tired...tired of always being the goody-two-shoes, being clad with multiple roles. I am dead tired. Yes I am...

Therefore, I realised, by convincing myself that it is only important to make myself happy since I can't make others happy... is the best way to live a life. At least, to live my own life.

I always have a colourful life, guided by unseen hands... my roads were not easy, but since I hopped on this journey, there is no way I can be sorry for myself. Absolutely no way, and so I walked on.

I asked myself countless times, what is more important to me? My family? Or those people who are there but have never really been there? And the answer is staring right into my face. My children and my Jazz-meJazz.

I am indebt to my children... for the things I have given them and things that I had selfishly took back. My children and I, are indebt to my parents... for the unconditional love they have always given us, especially when I had collapsed beyond hope.

I am indebt to Jazz... people may not have realized it... but I have really became a happier person after I met Jazz. In life, who do not seek for a companion? For without his love and support, I would be a total loss.

If this is my life, shouldn't I embraced it and live well?

With my children and my Jazz-meJazz, feeling alright... I am going to be very happy.