A MILE TOO LONG, A BRIDGE TOO FAR

Do you know how people can see other's mistake but failed to see theirs? Like a Malay saying, "Nyamuk di seberang laut boleh dilihat, gajah di depan mata kita tak nampak" (direct translations: we are able to see even the smallest mosquito across the sea, but a big fat elephant in front of our eyes we failed to see). It is normal. But when the truths are being told, they refused to accept. Yes, the truth hurts, I am sorry (NOT), but it was worth telling. At least they understand that there are limits to everything.

I remember how my ex-in-laws were treated when they came over when I had functions or Hari Raya gathering. Ipar duai dan mertua aku di layan dengan muka masam, bersalam pun dengan hujung jari saja. Bukan aku tak nampak, tapi aku tak boleh marah, mengikut mereka aku tak ada hak nak marah. Sebab bukan dalam sikap aku untuk marah. They are ex-in-laws now, because I divorced the person who was so reckless in his responsibility. But although they are now my ex-in-laws, they still consider me as their daughter and sister and still love me as one. I remember how my late father in-law was wailing like a kid on his death bed, when I went to visit him in the hospital in his few last days. He told mom that he would rather have me instead of his own son, that he regretted that he failed to make me stay. Funny isn't it, when you are highly praised by non-blood relatives but snubbed at by your own flesh and blood.

This incident has thought me some valuable lessons. You can be born into a family, but in some, you will never fit into. Life is not meant to be easy. It just happens that for some individuals, it takes a lot more tries than others in order to succeed, and falling down is part of the whole game in life. For the average individual, success usually comes after many falls. Sometimes, the falls can be painful, sometimes the falls can hurt you bad. Sometimes, the falls are just so bad that standing up becomes impossible. But I managed to stand up, stronger than ever.

This is my private site, although it is publicly available, it is still my private domain. I write what I feel, and what I feel needs to be written. Those who read this blog, should know how to respect my privacy. No names were mentioned that worth mentioning, so when you read and you know who I was writing about, only means that you are related to me. Those who knew, probably already know the truth. If you want to keep on reading, you will get hurt by what I have wrote, as I've mentioned before, this is my playground and if you want to continue playing in this playground, don't go crying to your mother when you fall from the swing just because the ground is hard. But what I wrote was the truth, and I wasn't lying. Too bad if you can't accept the truth, or was it because of the guilt that you feel?

But what right do you have, when you are done reading my writing, hurting the very person who I am protecting? When someone you love so dearly, who sacrifices her life for you, developed the feeling of 'fear' because of someone's behaviour, don't you think it is your duty to protect her? Just think about it... think hard.

My view on this is that if you are not going to take care of yourself, no one will. In such a competitive world, if self preservation is not even possible, don't even think about letting anyone else have it easy. With last man standing being the ultimate prize, either you push the rest down, or wait for your ultimate fate of being squashed. Of course, it just isn't possible for the case of family but it can be minimized.

It is also no wonder why I have very much preferred a world of solitude with me in control of my environment and situations, instead of having to live with nonsense from others. Although it is not exactly possible to eliminate all of them, I'll do what I can to minimize them. No point sticking around people who would never be able to appreciate you.

By looking at this, having a longer time to learn how to be alone may not be such a bad idea after all. Like it or not, it is the final result, only when. Whatever the case is, just move on. Let go and move, gracefully.