Nothing Here, Honest

Dear Mr Special Investigation Officer Sir,

How are you today, Sir? I hope you had good chee cheong fun or roti prata with kuah kari ikan for breakfast. I am so sorry that you have to spend time monitoring us now. It must be so tedious to go through every blog and read every post, when the time could be better spent eating good chee cheong fun or roti prata with kuah kari ikan.

So, Mr Special Investigation Officer Sir, let me just save you some trouble and tell you straight away that my blog is not worth going through, because I don't write anything clever or make smart political comments or complain about the government or things like that. After all, what do you expect? I am just an ex-student from the school which was named after our late Singapore First President, who didn't do well for herself by marrying the Sultan of Brunei or any Dato'. The only Datuk that I am so much in love with is Dodok.

Oh, are you still reading, Sir? Mr Special Investigation Officer Sir, I know there is this really good nasi lemak place near my house in Boon Lay Place Food Centre, where people would spend their nights standing in line to get a packet of the nasi lemak. That's only 10 minutes walk from my place and about half an hour drive from your HQ. But since you're here anyway, perhaps we can get acquainted, and you can see how harmless I am. In fact, you might even think : this woman is so hopelessly boring I am recommending that no one take a look at her blog ever again.

So, here are some random things you ought to know about me :

I am 44 years old and I still don't have a driving licence. In fact, I can't afford to buy a car with my meager wage and my father is not the Sultan of Malacca.

I am really bad at keeping money. I don't own a single property, the three rooms flat that I am paying monthly, evidently belongs to the government after the 99 year lease ends. If I die today my entire bequest would consist of jeans, shoes, books, junks in my own Nania closet and 3 kids who eat a lot.

I can bake but hopeless at cooking anything else. If you like my dalca, that was because I learnt it from Mariam, who in my opinion can make a successful business woman if she would venture into restaurant business. She is a great cook. Even a simple dish like "Ikan Bacin" could indeed give me an appetite to eat like nobody's business.

If I miss solat I get a massive headache. It's true! Some people get instant retribution, I guess. But I know the cure for my headache, well that is another story. Can't put it in this blog though.

There are at least five people I don't get along with that I still go kissy kissy when I meet them. (No, it's not you lah)

Secretly, I am very vain but I can't admit to that because I'm not pretty enough to be vain. (And that, in itself, is such a self absorbed thing to say)

I hate karipap mamak.

In school, I was a sergeant in the National Police Cadet Corps, so it is safe to say that I know a little about police business, what is legal and what is not.

Sometimes I brush my teeth only once a day. Sometimes after every meal. But always before sex.

and lastly,

The thought that my doctor, people in Klaz78 YISS, and the Discipline Officer of A&A Associates read this blog is more frightening than being under Technology Crime Division surveillance.

Have a nice day, Mr Special Investigation Officer Sir! May your day be filled with roti prata with kuah kari ikan, nasi lemak and a clear conscience :)